He Makes Me Feel Beautiful

I've been trying to pinpoint in my mind what makes Michael different than any other man I've been with and I finally decided it's his ability to make me feel beautiful and special, all the time. I'm not talking about perfect hair, perfect nails, just home from the spa, don't I look fabulous. I'm talking about the things that make me feel beautiful when my nail polish is chipped, my hair is pulled back in a ponytail, no make-up and wearing gym togs – not that things have gotten completely that out of hand or anything.

This weekend was Easter and we both took a break from our collective and separate responsibilities to enjoy a well deserved weekend at rest. My father spent most of it with us and we had time to cook and eat and talk and relax as a family. Today, just after Mass, when I was in the kitchen preparing lunch for the three of us, my husband stood behind me and slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me in close to him.

After a little teasing conversation about the nature of lunch and what it would be if my father wasn't present, Michael dropped an emotional firecracker. "You've made me a better man." And with a quick kiss, he was off and out of the kitchen.

Huhhhhhh? Where did that come from? It was something I puzzled over as I made the sandwiches and the salads and laid the table but of course, no time to talk about it and not the space to do it. I had to wait until my father went out for his ritual after lunch walk. Michael laughed as I pestered him to explain himself.

"You've made me softer." He wouldn't add much more than that. Sometime, when he's ready, he'll tell me what it's all about. Patience is something I've learned to cultivate when it comes to him but of course, I'm curious. "Softer" is not something I associate with 'Dom".

It's interesting to me because in some respects I've always looked at our relationship from the perspective of what Michael does for me. Intellectually, I know it's a two way street and that he derives some benefit from me as well, but I've never given much thought as to what impact I have on his life. I am content to know that he is pleased with me and has been so all of our relationship. Perhaps a point of foolish pride, but I'm very pleased with myself to know there's been very few occasions when he's felt the need to correct me. I find him to be an easy man to serve. In return, Michael has given me so much – safety, security, love, forgiveness, a sense of place and belonging. He grounds me and gives my life a consistency that's been lacking for so long. I know my place here and my place is with Michael. I feel beautiful inside when I'm with him. I feel whole and complete.

I'll admit that the whole "You make me softer" has thrown me. It obvious from his tone and manner that he's comfortable with this "softer"…softer what I have no idea… and I'd really like to go pull the answers out of him right this minute.

Do dominant men evolve towards 'softer'? Right now, we're at opposite ends of many spectra. Does our union mean we're both migrating towards a common footing on matters of outlook and philosophy? It's obvious that we're in a new phase of our relationship. The courtship is over. Now we're smoothing the foundations of our married life. I'm both excited and anxious about it, to tell the truth. A bond is growing between us and I'm not sure I can fully explain the nature of it but things feel good right now.

I know I'm rambling here. Please forgive me but my brain isn't overly logical today. That whole "softer" bit has me chasing my metaphorical tale.

~~doll~~